Model Essay 4:
Essay Topic: Basically, you have to suppress your own ambitions in order to be who you need to be.
          - Bob Dylan

Model Essay 4:

We live in a world where we are constantly told that we will achieve our dream by working hard enough, persevering in its pursuit and giving it our best every time we are at it. There are stories aplenty that talk about the extraordinary accomplishments of various people, who never gave up, no matter how many times they've failed. Is this true in everyone's case? Or is it better to let go of our ambitions?

These astounding achievements keep happening every now and then but that does not make them the norm. But we believe that it is the norm and we start setting ourselves unrealistic ambitions, which in most of the cases, lead to depression because we realize we can't really achieve them. And more often than not, in pursuit of these dreams, we tend to turn a blind eye to what we ought to do.

Consider the case of Virat, who is a happy man with a wife and two children. He has a job that pays him enough to ensure a decent living for his family. He is really passionate about acting and dreams of being an actor. However, if he has to realize his dream, he may have to quit his job and the future is uncertain. He tells himself that if he didn't do it now, he'd never be able to do it. So he quits his job and makes various attempts to be an actor but none of them are successful. His attempts fail and now, he cannot provide for his family anymore.

In pursuit of his dream, he stopped doing what he was supposed to do – take care of his family. What went wrong with him? He worked hard, gave it his all but yet success was never within his reach. Maybe the success stories are not meant for everyone – because they're not the norm.

We keep feeling sad when we fail because of the gap that exists between our dreams and reality. Instead we can set ourselves more realistic and achievable goals and work on them. This does not imply that the path to happiness is to give up on all our dreams and live a life sans any ambition. We just need to suppress our ambitions in order to be who we need to be.

Feedback and Comments:

(I) Overall impression:

Average



(II) Detailed feedback:

The essay focuses only on lofty, unrealistic ambitions. It speaks of the necessity to be realistic. This would imply that ambitions can be tempered, moderate, realistic, and, perhaps, achievable. This perspective isn't in the essay.

(III) Evaluation parameters and score:

PARAMETERS DETAILS POINTS ON 10 WEIGHTAGE TOTAL
Content Adequacy of information 5 x 2 10
Ideas and their development Elaboration through reasoning, explanation, examples 5 x 3 15
Perspective Pros and cons, different aspects, parallel reasoning, suggestions 3 x 1 3
Structure Logical idea-flow in Intro-Body-Conclusion form 5 x 2 10
Control over language Grammar and spellings, sentence construction and punctuation 9 x 2 18
OVERALL       56